The road to fertility is frought with...hormones. And many other challenges.
Growing up with 6-14 brothers and sisters (depending on how you count) it never occured to me that someday I would be glad to have just one. Or that I would adopt...twice. Or that I would do IVF...twice. But not knowing in advance was probably just as well, because it's been bittersweet the whole way through (but absolutely worth it).
Just like many things in life, nobody really understands either event like somebody who's actually experienced the rollercoaster of emotions that go with the whole process. It's like trying to explain what seeing your baby for the first time is like. There aren't proper words for it, and there isn't capacity to comprehend until you've been there.
Tomorrow K goes to have whatever eggs she has taken out. It's a painful procedure preceded by painful procedures like injections, poking and prodding, blood draws etc. That doesn't count the hormonal pendulum that swings wildly as plasma concentrations fluctuate with therapy. Of course, there's always the adversary working hard to stop a good thing too. Then there's the difficult questions from the kids, the travel to our chosen reproductive endocrinologist in southern California and the associated costs, the time off work, sorting through insurance claims and fighting for whatever coverage we can get, and still taking care of life outside of all of this. If that sounds overwhelming, you've had a tiny taste of what it's really like.
Here's the funny thing though. Whenever K and I feel like an Oklahoma tourist getting pounded by the relentless Pacific surf for the first time, getting bashed from behind, gasping for air and then getting bashed again, whenever that happens, I get silent epiphanies. Not ground-breaking stuff, but perspective that ties up all the above mess into a nice little package with a note on top that says there's a bomb inside but also how to disarm it. Less visual, but more accurately, I recognize that satan himself has been trying to get some leverage. Once I know it, everything becomes crystal clear and the challenges are in the rear-view mirror. I know how to handle him once I know it's him that's been monkeying around with my life, at least until he tries a new tactic.
All this stretching has taught me a lot. I think I can sum it up this way:
- Comfortable is not all it's cracked up to be. Life isn't supposed to be comfy.
- Challenges are blessings in disguise.
- Satan has no power if you don't let him.
